You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
