Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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