Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
