Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Two words: blizzard sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize