Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
