I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
