Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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