made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize