My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
