too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
