It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
