I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize