My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
