about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
