Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
