he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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