I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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