Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
