I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
