Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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