so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
