i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
