I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
