Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
two words: eviction party
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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