he shaved USA in his pubs
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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