if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
