Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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