He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
