Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
