so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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