sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
