I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
