I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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