I accidentally burped into my bong.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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