I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
