WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
