Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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