is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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