You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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