After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize