these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
