I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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