your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
