so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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