you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
