I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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