If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
