guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
