dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
