i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
