He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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