While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
