How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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