my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
