I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
