So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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