You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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