I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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