I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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