You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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