Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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