The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
