Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
