I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
