I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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