talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
