Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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