We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
