ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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