he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's get the cat blown out
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
