I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
