Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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