i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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