I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
