I didn't shave. On purpose
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
