my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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