You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
