What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize