I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
