this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
