you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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