i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
