they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
