Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
