In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's rum buckets o'clock
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
