It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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