my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
