shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
