we have officially lost it.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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