its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Gay?
German.
Pity.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
