the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
