he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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