I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
