You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
