Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
