moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
