Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
