I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
