if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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