im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
