I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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