whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
