my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
