by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
