How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
