he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize