She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
