Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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