Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
