dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
