im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
