Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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