suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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