the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Less talking, more tequila
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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