Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think your dad took our porno
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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