I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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