Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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